so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
