how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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