You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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