So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
