You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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