this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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