i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Terrible idea I love it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
