Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize