I need to stop coming to work sober
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
