How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
