After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
