About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
