So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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