I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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