Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just googled if crying burns calories
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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