i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
