just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
