I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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