I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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