she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
