I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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