...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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