I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
