guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
