It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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