Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
