From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
