Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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