dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
