Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize