He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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