I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
