now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
