We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
