I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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