My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Boobs are out for the taking
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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