Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
