you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
