I got chris browned last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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