There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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