Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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