i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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