9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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