Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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