this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
