Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
