On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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