I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
