I will die if light touches me.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
