You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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