i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize