I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
