So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
