when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize