I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
