I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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