I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
