she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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