And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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