Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
