That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
