I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
