shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
