drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
